Tag Archives: parent

The difference between men and women, or “You said you’ll get it done, but when?”

Pregnancy can be an unnerving time for a couple because it outlines, double underlnes, highlights and capitalizes the fundamental differences between the genders’ instinctual processes. That sounds so much more scientific than it really is. Basically, when a woman finds out she’s pregnant, at some point, she starts nesting. She wants to buy baby clothes, wash them, smell them and put them away in their perfect little dresser, in the perfect little nursery with mobiles and a theme and a glider/ rocker. Men on the other hand cannot understand why their wives are spending hundreds of dollars on clothes and days without end on painting and laundry for a child that isn’t due for another 6 months.

There will be an argument. Several weeks of nagging that starts, “Can you please take care of the baby proofing?” will turn into, “When are you going to look into getting the baby proofing stuff?” and finally, “You don’t give a S**T if this baby sticks his tongue in the G*D*M* socket and fries his brain do you? Why don’t you give a crap about us?” And somehow that inevitably leads to bringing up the time he sided with his mother in an argument or where he was 2 and a half years ago at midnight when you called and he didn’t answer.

Here’s the thing – women are generally (and I say generally because I’m leading to a stereotype) more empathetic and maybe even more imaginative than men. So, they can imagine what life will be like post baby, they feel like they already know the child and often imagine themselves holding their baby on their chest, rocking them in the chair, singing them to sleep. Women want to create the perfect environment for their perfect baby right now. Men realize there’s a child coming, are usually excited about it and they might even be extremely nervous about providing for this child, making sure he can go to Harvard Law when the time is right. They don’t, however, imagine what it feels like to have a baby on your chest, with both hearts beating side by side or think about how perfect you’ll all look walking down the street with your Peg Perego stroller and golden retriever.

So, it’s inevitable that when your non golden retriever eats the baby diaper you set up (six months before the baby is due) on the perfect little changing table (that took 2 months of “persuasion” to get put together) and your husband laughs, that an argument will ensue. But, take it all with a grain of salt. More than likely it was love for each other that got you to this point in the first place; once the baby comes, he or she will be perfect, but never in the way you expect and whether it’s the moment for your husband with baby sleeping on his chest, hearts beating next to each other when he realizes that his heart might explode with love or that time when you enter your perfect little nursery to find baby, cot and wall smeared in poop and you can’t help but laugh at the messy wreckage of your own life with baby, you’ll both get to the same point in your own time. And then you’ll live happily ever after… until high school.