Monthly Archives: May 2010

The power of positivity and good friends

Here’s the most obvious statement in the world: having friends can get you through anything.

There are times when your family, who may always be there for you ordinarily, can really let you down and all it takes to get through it is one good friend to listen. I am really close to my sister in law; I would say she’s my best friend. She always listens to me when I have a problem and luckily for me she had a baby three months ago. Because of this little girl and all of the children born recently to my friends, I don’t feel quite so lost! Yes, I am a little afraid of the pads and numbing spray they are all recommending, but if not for them, I would have no idea I was normal after the birth!

After 9/11 a guy in Australia decided to hand out free hugs in a mall. At first people ignored him, but then, slowly people started to come around. Before you know it, others were giving away free hugs too. Of course, this kind of spreading love can’t be legal and sure enough, they were shut down for not having permits. They collected something like 20,000 signatures on petitions and were reinstated as huggers shortly after. The power of positive connections can overcome the law!

I have friends that have no interest in babies and I have friends that put their kids on the phone with me like it or not. And I am so extremely grateful for all of them. Those people without babies keep me on track to stay my own person. And that’s good – I think I’m a pretty fun and good person in my own right, without being a mother. My baby loving friends help me to understand how my life is about to change entirely. And that’s good too because I was scared of that: changing and losing my identity. But having both sets of friends makes me realize that there is a very very happy medium and that’s my future!

So, today, in the midst of your chaos, your diapers, your paperwork, take a moment and hug someone. A coworker, your husband, the first friend you see. Tell them you’re proud of them, tell the you’re proud to be their friend, tell them you’re simply happy to know them.

Doctor Who?

At 14 weeks I decided to change doctor. As a working woman this is a risky move because I don’t have time to “audition” each potential new doctor, so I have to ask for referrals from friends and hope for the best. I decided to leave because I hadn’t actually met my original doctor by 14 weeks. I went through a year of fertility tracking and appointments and referrals, all headed up by the nurse practicioner. When we got the good news, I presumed the doc would make an appearance, but still nothing. At second trimester, still nothing. I realized that the first time I may meet this woman could be in the delivery room, or God forbid, at a point of emergency. Add to that, the staff was difficult, getting through to anyone was also difficult, the hospital would be 30 minutes from our house… it simply didn’t add up.
So, I called two referrals – one was the head of OB at our local hospital, I am a former patient and he birthed my nephew, so he was my first choice. I called three days in a row and got their answering service and nobody called back from the messages. So I moved on again.
And then I found her. The doctor of my dreams (well, I probably would have chosen one less good looking for the sake of my sanity). But there was a downfall: for her to accept me as a patient she anted to review my chart. For her to get my chart I had to contact the first doctor and sign release papers saying I was no longer a patient. I was in limbo.
Luckily, she accepted me and I love her! She is wonderful. Everyone in the office was pleasant and friendly, she spent about 40 minutes with me, at one point started to cry over how amazing children are, talked about how bonding isn’t always immediate, comes from the same midwest town as my husband and delivers at the hospital 5 minutes from our house and 10 from my work.
I still had to sign the legal release that says, if the doctor smashes your baby’s head in childbirth I won’t sue her. But that, I suppose, is why it’s so important to like and trust your doctor.

The sacrifices can hurt

Up until now, I’ve been pretty honest about the pregnancy, but last week I hit possibly the hardest stumbling block and while I’m sure lots of people have the same experience, it’s not talked about very often. So, I feel kind of vulnerable with this post. Please be gentle if you comment.

Last week I was at a work meeting for two days. I should preface that one of my company’s core values equates to Work Hard, Play Hard and we live by these values. So after the meetings, we almost always all go out to dinner and then usually out for half the night. I love these times. So, last week was no exception. out for dinner… which was sushi. First problem: my boss usually orders for the table and as we all know pregnant women shouldn’t eat raw fish. So I had to ask the waiter which rolls were cooked. I felt like one of those finicky people who orders with a list of requirements. The waiter offered me tempura vegetables and California rolls like I was a sushi newbie. Ugh! I love sushi and sashimi even more. So I ate my eel roll and drank my water and graciously passed the sake and carpaccio. And then the conversation turned to hookah bars and kava bars and how we should all go out to one of the local places. It sounded like such a fun time: drinking, followed by ridiculous dancing, leg kicks and other antics. But as I sat there weighing up my options I realized I didn’t have any. I can’t drink, I can’t be around smoke and I should probably avoid leg kicks! So at 10 o’clock we paid the bill and I hung my head as they all went on without me.

I went back to my room and watched Private Practice (which I don’t watch), called my husband and cried about how this baby is changing my life. It struck me how much I am giving up – my freedom, my body, my sleep, my wardrobe, and all the things I have been warned about: my relationship with my husband will take a dive, my friends will not be around anymore.

I have wanted a baby for so long and now it’s finally happening and I feel like I’m in a horrible stage of limbo. I’m looking chubby in the belly but not pregnant, I don’t feel bonded to him/ her yet, my regular clothes don’t fit and maternity clothes are too big and now, I still want to party and I don’t have that bond to make it easy to say no.

I can’t wait to meet you baby; I know I’ll adore you and give up anything for you. I just wish I could see you now.