6 weeks

I woke up this morning at 5a.m. because I was “leaking.” I’m hoping that this is enough information and I don’t have to explain to you what I mean. If you’re a boy – it’s a girl thing. I was panicked because I felt sure it would be blood, but it was nothing. I lay awake until it was time to get up in a mild state of panic. I could feel the anxiety crawling all over me. I have no real reason to worry, but that doesn’t stop me. I feel nothing and I worry, I feel a cramp and I worry. My arm has been hurting and I’m worried it’s a symptom of an ectopic pregnancy.
The irony is that it took us a year to get here and we told ourselves that if we could just get here it would all be smooth sailing, but smooth sailing doesn’t stop you from thinking each ripple is a tidal wave. Now we tell ourselves each milestone will ease the nerves, but they don’t. If you’re anything like me and I’d like to think you are – then wherever you are, promise yourself you will learn to relax, to meditate because if you plan on getting through life, you’re going to need it.

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